Noooo.........

Noooo!!! Blog exploring is very, very bad- I keep finding awesome blogs that have such cool stuff that I can't resist the idea of making the stuff myself...someday. I just found the coolest website about this girl who uses old sweaters to make the cutest clothes for her kids, hats, purses, and just about anything. Thrift store here I come! (someday...I have eighty hundred other crafts half-way done to do first...but this one saves money, so can it be an exception?)The site is:

resweater.blogspot.com

YAY!!

Confused and then a New Happy Discovery!!

First of all, I wrote the "downer" post first and then the happy post- why is it saying they were posted on the day the other was? Any thoughts bloggers?

Second of all, I just have to say I am SOO freaking excited about the website I found today!! It's:

Toddling Around Mount Diablo

I hope the link works- I've never done a link before...Austin may need to help me. Anyways, I am excited because these ladies who live in the Concord-ish area wrote a book about all the fun stuff there is to do in the surrounding area for kids 5 and under!! It really is exactly what I need right now! New things to do and places to go. It has lots of free things to do and the cost things seem to be $10 at the most? The best part is that you can download the pdf of the book of FREE!! There is a 2.0 version that they sell for $10 on the website, but the original version is freaking free!!

I think the first thing we might try is going to the Animal Rescue Foundation (ARF)(cute huh?) place in Walnut Creek- it's free for lots of days and so fun for Macy to see all the animals I bet!! I hope anyone who reads this will be excited too and want to come with me! Everything's better with friends! Yay!

Downer Post- skip if having a good day ( I promise to write a happy one soon)

So, I totally need to post about my awesome Valentines day so it doesn't seem like I'm such a whiny baby about everything, but today I feel very whiny and that I just want to complain. Busy season is really starting to get to me. I am trying really hard to keep myself and Macy busy, but all the running around to the library, music time, all the different parks, walks, stores that I take her to to keep engaged just wear me out. I am sick of doing those things. I just want to sleep and not have to get up five thousand times a night and not have to wake up at 5 am. I have been thinking that Macy was going to transition from 2 naps to 1 any day now and today, after staying up until 12:30 last night to clean my house, which had no affect on anyone at all and was therefore pointless, she decided that today was the day she would drop the 1st nap- you know, the one I need her to take so I get to actually get more than 3 hours of sleep for the whole day. This could explain why I'm grumpy...
Another reason could be because the house sucks all the time because when I don't have parenting back-up, I just can't handle anything by the end of the day- it makes me crazy when my house is like this (hence the cleaning last night- but boy am I paying for it with this monster headache I have and my wonderfully pleasant mood).
Macy is so busy. She consumes my life and I can give it all to her most of the time, but not today. It is so hard to explain how my life ( and I feel like maybe a lot of mom's?) is so hectic and stressful for me taking care of this baby trying to help her learn and having to do every single freaking thing for her, and yet I feel so bored all the time. Bored isn't the right word, but I don't really know how to say it. Every week we do the same things and I change the same diapers and cook dinner over and over and just blah, blah, blah. I am happy that I haven't been feeling this way as much as I have in the past few months, but it is really setting in with no break and no help. Today is just a bad day I guess. I'll get over it. Sorry this is such a downer post. Maybe you should have skipped reading it- maybe I'll put that as the title-I hate reading depressing things when I'm actually having a good day. I just needed to get it all out so all those thoughtsit don't keep replaying over and over in my head.

Happy Post

So...you probably already know this if you're reading this blog, but I am- I'll admit it- obsessed with play kitchens. You know, those little mini kitchens for kids to pretend cook? I love them. Maybe it stems back to playing with a cardboard box with marker drawings to make a stove and fridge...I always wanted the real thing. We had some family friends with kids who had all that stuff, plus power wheels and a real playhouse. The kids who have that stuff never appreciate it...

Anyways, it's not just any play kitchen, it's The Pottery Barn Kids Pink Retro Kitchen. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Austin could have proposed to me with that kitchen instead of a ring. The only problem is...it's like 400 dollars for each piece in the set. The sink is 400, the stove is 400, the fridge is 400- you get the picture. What is the point of only having one piece? How can I cook my pretend stew on my pretend stove without getting pretend veggies from the pretend fridge? So, my chances of ever getting that kitchen are non- existent. I still like to visit it though, at the local store whenever I'm in Walnut Creek (though I saw they went out of business? what is that about?). ( I'm so crazy about this subject that I started writing about it by writing the above paragraphs before the event below even happened!!)

Okay, so along with this, I have also awhile ago seen commercials for the indescribable "Rose Petal Cottage" Which you can watch two commercials about here (the first video is cuter, but the second one shows the outside of the house better- sorry, I'm crazy):






Have you ever seen anything cuter in your life? So, this was also something I thought would never, ever be attainable- not only is it a whole play kitchen, but a play nursery, laundry room and sitting room! In the most adorable house that ever lived! So, yeah- I liked it a lot, but forgot about it due to the fact that we have no money, much less money to spend on a huge, expensive toy like that- it costs $400 in stores when it comes with all the stuff. So...imagine my surprise when I was at TJMaxx and saw THE Rose Petal Cottage (and all the "sold separately" items also on the shelves)- for only $140!?! I freaked out and called Austin, who was like what the heck are you even talking about and made me realize- yeah, $140 is still a lot of money, even if it is an amazing deal to come down from $400...so...I just started obsessing over that now. I went and visited it several times and looked up all the accessories and checked on Craig's List all over the country, etc. Totally crazy, I know.

The week before Valentine's Day on Saturday, one of the few Saturdays Austin has had off this month, we were running errands and I begged Austin to let us swing by to see if "my" playhouse was still there. It was and I was begging Austin if we could just get it because the price was now $99. I thought he would just remind me that that is still a lot of money- because he's right- but actually he got this really weird look on his face and was like "You're putting me in a tough situation right now" all serious and stuff. I was like huh? He was like "I guess I have no choice- I have to tell you otherwise you'll be really sad- I have to say no to this playhouse...because I already bought it for you on ebay for Valentine's Day!!!!!" Well of course I freaked out getting all loud and people probably were like what the heck? Then I bought all the accessories that TJMaxx had to offer with the last of my birthday money.Yay!!!!! I just couldn't believe that Austin did that!! I give him a lot of crap for being the "typical accountant husband" who is obsessed with our budget (he does like to be very on top of it!) but he is also the most romantic guy ever and is always doing over the top things to surprise me and make me happy. So, on Saturday before Valentine's Day, which is when we celebrated, we set it all up while Macy was sleeping and had her come out to see it!!!! It was one of those "commercial moments" I felt like. She was so funny about it though- she walked right over to it and opened the door and went it without any pause- like she was this hot shot girl who knows everything. She is so funny.

It has been one of the MOST exciting presents I have ever gotten. I am so so happy everyday when I walk out into our family room and see it. It just delights me. I can't believe that I actually have something like that! Oh, and I think Macy loves it the best too, by the way. My favorite thing yet was in the first few minutes, Macy went to the play sink and turned it "on" and "washed" her hands- Austin looked over at me and said "You were right, this is the best present ever."

So You're Not Going to Believe This....

...but I locked Macy in the car with my keys at 7 at night in the Pittsburg Walmart parking lot. Seven at night is dark out here. Pittsburg, for those of you not from around here, let's just say that a few months ago there was a drive-by shooting at the entrance of said Walmart. in the middle of the day. and this was night. yeah...not so good. Soooo- did I mention that I suck? I honestly don't know what happened. I left to go shopping at like 3:30- I knew it was a bad time to go out, but I had no food whatsoever and Macy's nap sched just made it that way. This was a big shopping trip because it is the beginning of the month and with our cash system, we are usually down to bare bones by the end of the month. I had to go to Winco and I had a lot of household items to get and I didn't want to drive to the other side of the world for Target (which I love), when I was driving right past Walmart on the way to Winco. So, I took forever at Walmart because I was trying to decide on what to get for a shower gift (I guess I'm a little obsessive compulsive about gifts) and so it was getting late and Macy was not so happy that I was being a crazy so I guess I was a little frazzled by the time I got to the car and somehow- honestly I really don't know how- after I put my purse/diaper bag on the front passenger seat, and Macy in her carseat, I pressed the automatic lock button. Awesome. When I tried to open the door to put my list on the seat too, I was like- "Wow. I am so awesome."
Basically, I was totally freaked out as lots of homies and homeless people wandered through the parking lot as I was yelling through the glass trying to tell Macy it was okay. I called Austin right away and he called AAA and they said that it could take up to 20 minutes to get there, so they were sending the fire department too. Lovely. I just wanted to die that I had done this to my little sweet baby again in the SAME WEEK! Poor Macy was strapped in her carseat just crying for me. At least she had her sippy cup and her blankie? If only I hadn't buckled her in! One of her favorite things to do when we get home from anywhere is to press the "lock" button before we go in, so she would have know exactly what to do if she wasn't freaking TRAPPED in her carseat. So, as I waited for the circus to show up, I flagged the little rent-a-cop guy driving around in his flashing lights car and asked him if by any chance he had one of those jimmy thingys to pop open a car. He didn't speak English very well, so he didn't understand when he said he didn't have a jimmy and I said don't worry about it, I called people to come help. He said "Don't worry? I am very worried about your little baby!" Yay. Let's add to the craziness by having you park right in front of me so your flashing lights are right in my poor frantic baby's eyes. Poor Macy was just beside herself by this point. It was so maddening to not be able to do a single freaking thing. Oh, but one good point- one of the homies told me I was wearing a really nice sweater- so that was good.
It was probably only about 20 minutes total- but that's a long time to a baby and to a panicked mom!- before the tow-truck guy and the fire truck pulled up together. It was quite a little show for everyone. Austin had told me too that I should expect it to be hard for the guy to get the door open because when he locked his keys in once, it took the guy like half an hour or something. Thankfully, though, the tow truck guy popped it open in five seconds! He put a little wedge in the window jam, snaked the thingy down and pop- she was free!!!! I was so happy to hold her and finally be able to comfort her! Poor little Bunny was so confused and sad! She was okay though, so that was all that was important, of course.
Then, just in case you thought I still had any sanity left, let me assure you I did not because I went grocery shopping. Austin is working until midnight every night because it is busy season, and though he offered to go, I couldn't make him do that so late and tired as he was and also there were ten hundred things on my list. Macy was actually really good though, because I gave her whatever she wanted. A big thing of Sour Patch Straws? Sure! Muffins? Sure, Baby! String cheese, raisins, and croissants were also among the things I bought that I wasn't planning on, but Macy requested. Grocery shopping could be really easy if I had no rules and lots of money!
We made it home unharmed, with many thank-you prayers. My friend Val came over to comfort me (we had planned to watch The Bachelor- I told Val that she would prob think I wouldn't want to anymore after all the crap, but I needed to watch it to take a break!!) and brought me cookies ( I love you, Val!). Anyways, I was telling her about this and we totally got to laughing about how maybe the first lock-down was to prepare Macy for this one. I totally do think it was good for me to have been through that at the church before it was in this horrible circumstance! We were also laughing about how poor baby was traumatized and maybe the reason why these keep happening to her is because Heavenly Father is trying to teach her patience! Ha! It kind-of worked because she was good at the grocery store! (Please don't think I am a bad mom- I really think it was quite an amazing thing that I could laugh about it so quickly afterward!) Anyways...apparently I have broken a mirror or something because this is nuts! =)

So...I Suck

So, today I went to the Music Time with Macy. The building that everyone meets at is not my ward building btw, (important later). After the group finished, I was talking to one of the other moms afterwards, which a lot of people do a lot of the time, but it just so happened that the group was small today, so we were the only ones left. So, as we're leaving, my friend, Misty, is taking her 3 month old out to the car in her infant seat, while Macy and her 22 month old Emme were running up and down the hall. I was trying to coax Macy to come back to me, so I didn't see that Emme had tried to follow her mom out the door to the car and only when she was screaming did I realize that her hand was stuck in the huge metal church door! I ran as fast as I could and freed her and then took the poor baby to Misty, who had coming running back at the cries.... Only then did we realize that Macy was still in the hallway of the church. And the doors were locked. Yeah. Sooo because we were the only people there at all and because it's not my ward so I have no idea who has keys, much less their phone numbers, I was freaking out to put it mildly. Very mildly. I was tearing up as Macy was putting her face to the glass saying "Mama- Hold You!!". I think I would have completely freaked out, except that I knew I wouldn't be able to fix it then. Also, Misty was there and immediately started calling people who might know other peoples numbers to call to see if they knew who to call for keys. Thank you Misty!! The doors are those kind with the bar across the middle where you have to push it to open. Macy was just like 1 little centimeter too short to push it. She knew that's what she was suppose to do, though, to get it open, so I thought maybe if I could get her to pull the folding chair that was near the door over to the door, then she could stand on it and open the door. I know she can push the chair, because she does it all the time and I knew she could get up on it and stand because she does that all the time too. Putting all those steps together, however, was too complicated of course- she's just a baby- but that didn't stop me from screaming at the top of my lungs gesturing wildly to "GO GET THE CHAIR!! Where is the chair Macy? Okay, go get it Baby and bring it over here- THE CHAIR!!" I just was like what the freak am I going to do? Misty was leaving messages on people's phones with no luck. Misty started talking to her and she was actually listening to her, I think because she was so sad wanting me to hold her that she couldn't think about what I was saying. In trying to tell her where the chair was, Macy ran to the other side of the hall, so Misty went around the church to the other door and tried to tell Macy to push the bar there. When it didn't work and she came back, she told me that that bar was just one of the old fashioned ones where the lock is on the door, not on the bar- like the ones on school doors? I don't know how to explain it, but basically, Macy might be able to push that one because, even though it was the same height, it didn't require so much force. So I went around the church, much to Macy's horror that I was leaving her ( it really was all I could do not to just break down) and it took some work to make her go down the hall and help her to see I was on the other side now. Once she got there, she was so upset, leaning against the door crying and begging me to hold her. I kept telling her she had to push the bar, and in one fit of crying really hard, she was kind of trying to hang her arms from the bar and throwing herself against the door in tantrum and IT WORKED!!! Oh the feeling of holding her again!! I told over and over again how sorry I was and that I loved her so much. I was shaken up pretty much for the rest of the day. I have been saying thank you prayers all day that she was okay and that I could get her out. Of course, about 5 min after we got her out, one of the dads of the kids from the group showed up to rescue us, so we would have been okay, but I was just happy she was out any way possible. I guess this probably sounds pretty dumb that I was so panicked- I mean it's not like she was bleeding or hurt or in a hot car or anything- and I could totally see her the whole time too, so I wasn't worried that she would get hurt or anything, but still- I just have never really felt that out of control of what was happening to my baby and just...I don't know, scared or something. It really has made me think today that I am so very, very lucky in my life. I honestly cannot think what real fear must be like for those parents whose children are really seriously sick. Or for mothers on bed rest hoping their pregnancy will be okay. I just think how out of control their lives must feel and how afraid they must feel everyday that they will never be able to get their child "out" of their problem. The worst part to me was that Macy didn't understand why this was happening. She just knew that she wanted her mommy and I couldn't do anything about it. Those babies who have to get shot after shot and test after test...I just can't imagine as a parent what emotions that must take you through. I hope I don't sound like I'm being all "yay for me that my baby isn't sick"- maybe this is coming off that way. I guess I'm just going to try to appreciate things a little more. Seems like that is a cycle- something dramatic reminds me to be thankful and then I forget again- why is that? Anyways, basically I felt like a horrible mom today! But you know what? When that door opened, Macy hugged me just as hard back. She loves her mama anyway. I am so thankful.

Hidden Costs of Being a Mom

So, I've been thinking lately that there are a lot of weird things- like jobs or hats you wear- about being a mom that are taxing on energy and emotions- besides the normal everyday taxing things such as diapers, feeding, baths, bedtime, cooking cleaning, grocery shopping, and laundry that is...haha (well, kind-of haha). Weird jobs I discovered I have:


1. Being the Decision Maker- It's really stressful to be the one with the final say. "She's crying- do I get her up or let her cry??", "Does she need some tylenol or is she just grumpy?" "Should I give her a time-out or just freaking give her what she wants because I'm SO tired?" Austin is always very helpful when he is home- he's a great dad and we usually work together on deciding when he is home (I promise I'm not trying to sound cheesy), but for some reason I guess I feel like he always gives me the final say because I'm the mom. (idk if he would agree...i'll have to ask him) And Austin does work late hours and right now VERY late hours, so he usually isn't home until after she's in bed anyway. So it comes back to me...I hate deciding too because if I pick wrong, I make my own life suck and then I am like, "What is wrong with me? Why did I get her up- she wasn't ready and now she's going to be grumpy the WHOLE rest of the day!!!". I hate myself when I do that to myself.





2. Clothes Rotator- I never, ever thought that the adorable clothes that I so much looked forward to getting for my baby girl would become the bain of my exsistence. (okay, so that was dramatic, but still...) I just never considered that all the sizes in months meant Macy would only wear those clothes for those months, not any longer than that. ( I still have clothes from high school...) This means that not only do I have to do an entire overhaul of her dresser every other month or so, going through every single piece, trying to decide if it still fits or not; but I also have to freaking figure out where the heck to store the clothes- again!- that she's grown out of for the future children ( what future children?). It is so annoying to have to be so thrifty- I fantasize that I will someday be a rich woman and be like "oh pish, posh- I'll just throw out all these used clothes- she already wore them once!". Obviously, haha, I do not live in a castle surrounded by servants living that kind of life style... (what would that be like??)...so I have save every freaking piece of clothing that hasn't been ripped to shreds. Another part of this complaint (sorry this is such a witchy post...) is that we are also so poor that I have to buy almost everything off of Craig's List, so that is not only like blah to have to take just whatever I can get instead of getting something cute, but it takes A LOT of work to read through all the adds and email people to bid them down and arrange to meet them and drive to meet them and then pick out what you want from their piles of stuff all with your kid in tow. Boo. I want money. Torture= walking through Target and looking at all the adorable things you can't have...



3. Hands Washer- Between the 6 diapers I change a day ( I know, I know- I promise I do appreciate that 6 is better than the 25 a day I had to change when she was a newborn), and the hundred times I have to pee a day since my child ruined my bladder, well...let's just say I have a cut on my palm due to cracking in my dry skin from all the time at the sink.

4. Supplies Keep- Tracker: Imagine you are in the kitchen cooking dinner on a Saturday, happy because your husband is changing the baby's diaper because it's the weekend, when you hear the most dreaded words a mom can hear, "Is this the last of the wipes??" GRR!! I don't know! They're probably all gone and we are screwed- all because I didn't check my "excel spread sheet" of baby supplies. Oh brother- there are soo many different things that she uses up so quickly, I always end up running out of something because I didn't check on the quantity. This usually happens right after I get home from a huge trip to the store, involving meltdowns, people staring and usually a rain storm as I carry in heavy bags. I stare at the empty wipes box and try to imagine I'm not screaming as I think about having to do it all again tomorrow.

5. Cry Resistor- I had no idea how hard it would be to listen to my baby cry and not go get her. After she started talking it became so much worse when she called directly for me- "MommAAAA!!" Before I was mom, I thought it would be so easy to sleep- train my baby. I thought, "Well, it will probably be hard, but all you have to do is watch a movie or something for a night or so and poof- she'll sleep all night." Umm yeah...Don't get me wrong, I am soo glad that I got through it and did the cry it out thing when Macy was like 3 or 4 months (ish? I can't remember exactly...) because now most days she goes down pretty easily...but in NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM was it like the books- or all the old women I know- said. I wanted to die- I am not being over dramatic (this time)- I really remember feeling like I was going to throw up as I was bawling my eyes out that my baby needed me and I wasn't going to her. I was the worst mother in the world and Macy would be traumatized because I abandoned her- she wouldn't know if or when I was coming back because she was just a tiny helpless baby. I had no idea that those are the thoughts I would have about something babies do ALL the time.

a. In a related issue, one of the other worst feelings in the world is when you put the baby down for a nap and you are like "I'm FREE!!!!!!!! OH Finally!!!!" and you are just sitting down to watch "Glee" on Hulu with your yummy treat you've been hiding from your sugar monster, when all of the sudden you hear it...the little whine and then WAHHH!!!! The baby is up. Excuse my language when I say what I think at these times- "Damn it!! Why?? This is SUCKS!!" I really am totally serious when I say that Macy really does know when I have something to look forward to for her nap time.

b. In yet another related issue, I was just discussing this with another mom today- once you become a mom, you never sleep again. This is because babies wake up several times a night for the rest of their lives and when babies wake up, moms have an instant wake button that gets switched on like "The Clapper". Unlike the clapper, however, when the baby stops crying, you can't "turn yourself off" and go to sleep. I lay awake and stare at the ceiling hours after she has already gone back to sleep. I thought after I stopped nursing, maybe this would change, but it hasn't at all. I do fall asleep eventually though...usually a minute before she wakes up the next time...

6. Food Detective- Recently, I have figured out why there are so many commercials on TV for things like Gerber Graduates microwave dinners for toddlers and Pedia-Sure which is like a protein shake for toddlers or something. Toddlers DON'T EAT! Everyday I have to guess what Macy might MAYBE eat today. Chicken? Cheese? Scrambled egg? Black beans? Chicken noodle soup? Hamburger? Chili? Spaghetti? Quesadilla? These are the options I have prepared for ONE meal for my child. (Listen- I am not a freaking short- order cook- I do not do this all the time. I am however getting desperate for her to eat ANY protein. ever.) The reason why this is becoming such a problem- because I feel like kids for the most part regulate how much food they need- is because Macy will refuse to eat a good dinner and consequently will wake up at 4am (I'm not kidding) and scream until I come get her all freaked out that she's dying and promptly tell me "Cracker? Cracker? Po-sic-le? Ce-re-wel? Hot dog?". Yeah...she needs to eat dinner. I will do whatever it takes to get her to do so- including giving her a bite of cookie for every bite of chicken. I am THE exact mom I swore I would never be. *fist pump* YES!!!

Other weird talents I have acquired: the ability to sneak around my house and even empty the dishwasher without making a sound during nap time, the skill of being able to drive while simultaneously searching the entire backseat for the lost binkie, memorization of the words and actions of every primary song ever written, the knack for creating a meal from popcorn, fishy crackers, and marshmallows and being okay with that, and the gift for changing diapers on the floor of any store anywhere while ignoring stares of, well, pretty much everyone. Moms Rock.

p.s. I don't really know if this post is what I outlined it to be in the opening paragraph...I feel like I need to put a disclaimer that I write this blog as a mom and not at all my alter ego of English teacher.

p.p.s. Moms really do Rock.